Day 26: Boxing Day

The sales got me. Not as badly as they could have. But they still got me! I'm still only buying things I know I'll use, and one order was simply a "I have a small cart going that I'll purchase whenever shipping is free/cheap for a low purchase amount," and voila, today was that day.

I'm not proud about it. But it does teach me that I am still weak, despite my triumphs that I have walked away from so many times this month. I haven't purchased any new clothes! I've avoided the holiday sales and post-holiday sales! But I also know I will likely purchase some clothes in the new year to use up a voucher. So yes, I'm not perfect.

But considering I walked away with "only" spending a third of what I could have so easily spent today... that is something, isn't it? I think I will be harder on myself in the coming year. The holidays are so hard, especially when you don't really celebrate and the world is so dark and cold and the dopamine of shiny new things really makes a difference.

Sigh.

Yes, it's a habit that I am trying to fix. And I am! I'm just still weak.

On the plus side, I haven't purchased any makeup or skincare in a month. That was my real trouble-maker, and while I am desperately attempting to keep from transferring those urges to other items, I am proud of that.

My goal is to not have any sort of "status" at the shiny orange store by this time next year. It's awful how my heart sinks to think of that, that I could drop from shiny sparkly member to just a commoner, but that's how they get you – making you think you're special by spending money on things you don't need.

In two more days, it will have been a month since I have purchased new clothes or shoes. I think I can hold out to then.

And then see if I can go another month after that (or at least only spend on absolute necessities when using my voucher!).

It's silly that not buying things is still such a struggle. But honestly, it will probably take months before I can easily stop browsing or thinking about the shinies that I foolishly believe can make my life better. It'll be a constant battle, and sometimes I don't win. But I have hope that I will continue to persevere and eventually win the war.

(Or the championship? I may lose a few bouts here and there, but I can still win the belt! ...y'know, trying to keep it on theme with a pun-nod to "Boxing Day." Yeah.

...I'll see myself out...)